HESED: TIKKUN CHATZOT תקון חצות – LESSON WITH RAV MICHAEL LAITMAN
Lesson on the topic of “Finding the Good in the Friend”
Finding the Good in the Friend – Selected Excerpts from the Sources
1. RABASH, Article No. 17, Part 1 (1984) “Concerning the Importance of Friends”
If one has love of friends, the rule in love is that you want to see the friends’ merits and not their faults. Hence, if one sees some fault in one’s friend, it is not a sign that his friend is at fault, but that the seer is at fault, meaning that because his love of friends is flawed, he sees faults in his friend.
Therefore, now he should not see to his friend’s correction. Rather, he himself needs correction. It follows from the above-said that he should not see to the correction of his friend’s faults, which he sees in his friend, but he himself needs to correct the flaw he has created in the love of friends. And when he corrects himself, he will see only his friend’s merits and not his faults.
2. Likutey Etzot, “Peace,” Item 10
One must not look at one’s friend unfavorably, finding in him precisely that which is not good and searching for flaws in his friend’s work. On the contrary, one must only look at the good and always search and find in him merit and good, and by this there will be peace with everything.
3. RABASH, Article No. 17, Part 1, (1984), “Concerning the Importance of Friends”
How can one consider one’s friend greater than himself when he can see that his own merits are greater than his friend’s, that he is more talented and has better natural qualities? There are two ways to understand this:
1. He is going with faith above reason: once he has chosen him as a friend, he appreciates him above reason.
2. This is more natural—within reason. If he has decided to accept the other as a friend, and works on himself to love him, then it is natural with love to see only good things. And even though there are bad things in one’s friend, he cannot see them, as it is written, “love covers all transgressions.”
4. RABASH, Article No. 1 (1985), “Make for Yourself a Rav and Buy Yourself a Friend – 1”
Rabbi Yehoshua Ben Perachia says about it, “Judge every person favorably,” meaning one should judge everyone favorably.
This means that the fact that he does not find merits in them is not their fault. Rather, it is not in his power to be able to see the merits of the general public. For this reason, he sees according to the qualities of his own soul. This is true according to his attainment, but not according to the truth.
5. The Holy Shlah, Shaar HaOtiot, Vol. 2
Although your friend’s virtues are not equal to yours, you must tolerate him and love him, for so the Creator created him.
6. RABASH, Article No. 19 (1990), Why Is the Torah Called “Middle Line” in the Work – 2
One must believe that “there is none else besides Him,” meaning that it is the Creator who compels him to do the good deeds, but since he is still unworthy of knowing that it is the Creator who commits him, the Creator dresses Himself in dresses of flesh and blood, through which the Creator performs these actions. Thus, the Creator acts in the form of Achoraim [posterior].
In other words, the person sees people’s faces but he should believe that behind the faces stands the Creator and performs these actions. That is, behind the man stands the Creator and compels him to do the deeds that the Creator wants. It follows that the Creator does everything, but the person regards what he sees and not what he should believe.
7. Baal HaSulam, Shamati, Article No. 67, “Depart from Evil”
One who thinks that he is deceiving his friend is really deceiving the Creator, since besides man’s body there is only the Creator. This is because it is the essence of creation that man is called “creature” only with respect to himself. The Creator wants man to feel that he is a separate reality from Him; but other than this, it is all “The whole earth is full of His glory.” Hence, when lying to one’s friend, one is lying to the Creator; and when saddening one’s friend, one is saddening the Creator.
8. Baal HaSulam, Shamati, Article No. 62, “Descends and Incites, Ascends and Complains”
One who works in purity, cannot complain about others and always complains about himself, and sees others in a better degree than he feels himself.
9. Rabbi Abraham Yehoshua of Apt, Ohev Yisrael, Beresheet
A person sees all of the afflictions but his own. The advice for this is to look at the one who is in front of him. If he sees that another person did something wrong, he should think, “Why did the Creator make me see this thing if not because this affliction touches the walls of my own house, and because of the incitement of the inclination, my eyes could not see?”
10. RABASH, Article No. 124, “To Serve Me”
“The whole world was created only to serve me.” According to the interpretation of Baal HaSulam, it means that all the faults that a person sees in others, he believes that they are his. Therefore, he has what to correct. It follows that the whole world serves him by providing him with his faults, and he does not need to look by himself. Instead, they are doing him a big favor by providing him with his flaws.
11. RABASH, Article No. 21 (1986), “Concerning Above Reason”
Can be obtained by adhesion of friends—new qualities by which they will be qualified to achieve Dvekut with the Creator. And all this can be said while he sees the merits of the friends. At that time, it is relevant to say that he should learn from their actions. But when he sees that he is better qualified than they are, there is nothing he can receive from the friends.
This is why they said that when the evil inclination comes and shows him the lowliness of the friends, he should go above reason. But certainly, it would be better and more successful if he could see within reason that the friends are at a higher degree than his own. With that we can understand the prayer that Rabbi Elimelech had written for us, “Let our hearts see the virtues of our friends, and not their faults.”